Is there something about listening to Asa that just relaxes the mind and makes you feel at peace with yourself? Because I think there is something truly magical about her voice. I sit in my room, with the cool air biting at my fingertips; the light dim but a frosty fluorescent color sets the mood, and my fingers can’t help but dance to the melodious tunes that Asa belts out.
Lately, I’ve feel like God has been calling me to feel more. To actually feel life. To not just drift through my life as a mediocre person, but to feel each moment. To not spend it consumed with other people’s opinions; not spend it rushing through things. And I feel like most people around me has fallen into the trap of not thinking for themselves.
Tonight, I watched a video in which SassyBlack aka Sope Delano, a media personality and blogger, decided to take a break from it all for 9 months. To me, that seemed crazy! How could she have worked so hard for something to just throw it all on the back burner and decide she wanted to focus on other things in the mean time? But, she did what she wanted to. She didn’t fear other people’s opinions, or wether her fans would leave her. And as I watched, I saw she seemed utterly and completely happy with the choice she had made.
And like Sope, I want to be happy with choices I’ve made/ will make for myself.
I don’t want to live an empty life scared to be my own true self because I constantly worry about what people think about me. I’ve noticed fear of other people hinders me when I write my poems, considering the audience sucks me dry of the very life I hope to establish in my writings. Constantly worrying about why I don’t get as many notes as others on my writing, or writing to be in line with popular belief robs me of my beautiful, multifaceted voice.
My voice wants to make known that I am every bit as imperfect as you are, but I am still perfect in my very own being. I laugh too loud. I talk too loud. I like to dance at random times in public, and I still desire to lay in the grass on a blanket reading Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie.
I listen to the same spoken word pieces over and over again, yearning to find my voice like these powerful souls who have managed to pour their feelings unto the canvas of life. I listen to these speeches over and over again because I have fallen in love with their truths, the way they lend me their voice for a moment.
I have taken days on end to read poems, and to establish my own thoughts about these poets without them simply being handed to me. I have let other people’s creativity explore and search my inner being, bringing down my walls.
I have fallen deeply in love with my roots. I have watched videos and scoured the net for books on my Nigerian history. I have researched the history of my naturally curly hair, I have connected to myself more than I have tried to in all my years of living.
But most significantly, I have learned to tear down my walls.
For the longest time, I could never actively engage people in the intricacies of my life. I was super closed off because…. I don’t know (to be honest). But lately, I’ve learned “It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to let people know you are not okay”. And there are too many people in my life who ,unknowingly and knowingly, have forced me out of my comfort zone. Being outside of my comfort zone is risky, but I’ve found so much more love and fulfillment in it.
This is my new way of blogging called free blogging where I write freely at moments in life I feel super inspired to share. I hope you like it!
Loves x kisses,
Life is weird, but beautiful. We can experience the most excruciating pain sometimes; and at others, we can enjoy the meagre blessing that is a Caramel Machiatto. I sit in Starbucks working on this blog post with no idea where my though process is going but I know I want to talk about life and it’s simple pleasures.
This summer, I believe I was one of the luckiest people alive. I got to experience the pleasure of true Wanderlust, and fall in love with people and things alike beyond my wildest imagination. I got to live a different story in different cities as a different me. Wether it was the buzz of the city that my soul and curly strands danced to, or the whisper of the forest my feet followed, I was content. I was content because at this present stage in my life I have realized what is most important to me: happiness.
I put my personal comfort beneath the call of happiness, beneath the call to love and to show love for others. I lugged around a heavy suitcase that weighted over 60 pounds to multiple destinations-mainly because I’m a shopaholic, but also because when adventure called I couldn’t afford to leave a piece of me behind. I learned to laugh, and to be. I learned to lunge into the future regardless of wether I had a specific plan or not. I learned that rodents are a common sight on the subways in New York City, and getting lost in the culture of a city filled with life with your best friend is all you need somedays.
I learned that life is not as serious as we take it to be, and everything will work out for my good even if its costs me about $300 and a new plane ticket (lol). Even if it cost me three hours on a coach with no idea how to get back “home” when I arrived at my destination; even if it cost me a lot of money at the mercy of Ubers, and breathless moments of laughter with the people I hold close to my heart.
I have lived true love. Love not just for people, but for places. Each city with it’s own tune, and each suburb with its own voice; each equally beautiful.
I have grown in the habit of cultivating knowledge, of treating my heart as fertile ground for the beautiful words and art of others to find a home. I have grown in my appreciation of the arts, not seeing these amazingly creative individuals as less intelligent but equally as beneficial to the society.
Overall, it’s been one of the most amazing learning experiences. And if you ever have the chance to wander ( even just exploring new parts of your city) you should totally do it!
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
– Phillipians 4:12.
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Love x kisses,
Finals week wasn’t the easiest time of the school year but it is finally over! If you’re in England or Nigeria, I know you’re just about to have your exams and I’m here to tell you it’s going to be alright! When it’s all over all those trips to the Library with Starbucks in your hand will be well worth it. Speaking of Library trips and the boredom that ensues, here is a quick peek of a collection of pictures I took while studying for exams. I call it STARBUCKS & THOUGHTS.